Today's multi-tasking, over functioning female fulfills
everyone else's needs often to the detriment of her own.
When she over-functions for everyone else,
she under-functions for herself,
leaving her feeling depleted and resentful.
No one likes (or respects) a martyr.
Mom: Make yourself Number One on your TO-do LIST!
As a licensed clinical social worker and certified marriage & family
therapist, I believe that the family is the laboratory
-- the reference point -- for ALL future relationships.
The family is a complex social system
whose dynamic is set by members following implicit rules and roles.
When Mom does everything for every else, and nothing for herself,
what kind of relationship template is she grafting?
If the family dynamic is that Mom "over functions"
to meet everyone's needs in the family, it encourages
"under functioning" by other family members and
gives them tacit permission to remain incompetent!
When Mom takes time out to satisfy her own needs,
she is taking responsibilityfor her own fulfillment.
Rather than Mom falling victim to the feeling that
"no one ever does anything nice for me,"
she is taking ownership of her happiness.
She demonstrates a vitality and pluck
that sends the message: "I have value, I deserve to in-
Not only is it esteem-building and gratifying for herself,
she is modeling assertiveness and self worth
to her partner and kids.
When you value yourself, others are more likely to value you as well.
That's a dynamic worth setting in motion.
As I tell my clients: A little self indulgence goes a long way!